What is it like to be a Pro Tour Bike racer?
First, you need to be slender and skinny and actually quite thin. Check out this guy:
The guy on the left is not that slender, but the classics rider on the right… he looks too delicate. I mean, not that I could beat him in a race. I’m just saying.
Next, you need to be fast. As in this guy:
Also, you need to be mean. Like this guy:
That’s right. I said mean. Wait. You think that Jens Voigt is nice? No, he isn’t. He is so mean that he beat up three grandmothers just after I snapped this picture. Jens may have a reputation as a misty-eyed poet-cyclist, but he is a ruthless killer, a two-wheeled speed freak that spits and swears. I know that he looks nice and calm in this picture, but he has been coached. Finn is my photogé–it’s like a photo-protegé–and he muscled his way through the crowds. Note that even through the scrum, Jens locks eyes on Finn–who is wearing the blue Campy hat and sporting the Glama-glasses. You may not be able to tell, but Jens is yelling at Finn, saying: “WHAT THE HELL YOU LOOKIN’ AT FLATLANDER?” I can’t repeat [even in a blog] some of the other things he said.
We wanted to get a pic of another Saxo Bank rider, Jason McCartney, but he was running late and sprinted out of the bus, onto his bike, and was gone–but not before he gave us an Iowa City Wussup nod. Yeah, we know big-time cyclists!
We almost got a pic of George Hincapie, but he was too fast. Still, this pic does tell a story, of sorts:
Well, there is more to tell. But I have to run and save the planet. Be back soon…
sooner than my last break.
Peace and Pro Tour Bike Chain Grease,